Love as a Transformative Force or why everyone should read Bell’s Hooks book
I bet everyone has that question, “What is love?” romantically, personally, or even when we’re talking about our job. When I think about romantic love, the first thing that pops into my mind is words from the Haddaway song, “Oh baby, don’t hurt me, no more.” Am I alone with that or not?
“Indeed, those among us who have been hurt, disappointed, disillusioned must open our hearts if we want love to enter. The act of opening is a way of seeking love.”
Two months ago, I was perusing the bookshelves at a local bookstore, and something caught my eye. It was a book with a red cover and a promising title, “All about love: New Visions” by Bell Hooks. I googled about the author’s personality, checked the rating at Goodreads (it is 4.08 from 5 stars), and briefly read reviews (they were controversial), and I bought it.
“All about love: New Visions” was published in 2000, so I was kind of skeptical about the actuality of the words under the cover, but after I read it, I changed my mind. Here is why I think this book is still actual and why everyone should read this book (even in 2023).
Bell Hooks wrote, “To truly love we must learn to mix various ingredients — care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, and trust, as well as honest and open communication.”
Around thirteen chapters, Hooks raised topics:
- The best definition of love;
- How our childhood experience affects us in adult life;
- Feminism and patriarchal masculinity;
- Importance of being honest;
- Why it is essential to let love be in your life;
- The connection between love and faith;
- Values of love;
- Greed and materialism culture;
- Love to yourself;
Love is not just a romantic feeling when you have that sparkle between each other, attraction, kissing, hugging, having sex, walking together with holding hands, etc. Some people are scared to be in love, truly feel love, and share that magical spectrum with themselves and their partners.
Love is a much deeper connection between your spirit and your body, between you and your friends, kids, and your partner, and Bell Hooks emphasizes this in her book.
“Erotic attraction often serves as the catalyst for an intimate connection between two people, but it is not a sign of love. Exciting, pleasurable sex can take place between two people who do not even know each other. Shared sexual passion can be a sustaining and binding force in a troubled relationship, but it is not the proving ground for love.”
She uses her own experiences and reflections to ground the discussion, making the book more intimate. It makes sense of connection between the author’s thoughts and my personal thoughts, so if you’re waiting for a sign to encourage reflecting on our own experiences and beliefs about love, here it is.
Erich Fromm said, “Love is as love does. Love is an act of will — namely, both an intention and an action. Will also implies choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love.”
Hooks faced the realities of love in today’s world, including the impact of patriarchy, capitalism, and racism on our relationships. She artistically unpacks the ways in which these systems have distorted our understanding of love, leading to unhealthy dynamics and unfulfilling connections between each other. At the same time, the author doesn’t leave us upset; instead, she offers hope and leads us through all difficulties on our way.
“How many times do we hear anyone say that they were working so hard and had no time for love, so they had to cut back or even leave a job to make a space to be loving?”
The most important concept I noticed throughout the book is her concept of “love ethic,” which emphasizes the importance of love as an action, not just a mere emotion. “All About Love: New Visions” is a well-written book that you can read in one sitting, but I’ll recommend doing it step by step. It will give you more time to think, compare, and concentrate on your thoughts and feelings.
“All About Love: New Visions” is a deeper exploration of the transformative power of love, offering priceless insights that have the potential to change our lives and our relationships for the better.
